every hour

I have been rolling around with words today. saying too much. feeling so unfocused. there seems to be a lot of ideas and thoughts vying for attention from me these days. I want to keep things simple but things get complicated. complicated by the words I say or don’t. by the lateness of the day or the irritation in my bones.

it’s advent. I want to be soft and holy.

and maybe I am but I also feel full of fire and ice.

it is hard to exist as you are without all the commentary, I tell myself.

it is the commentary that feels too much like confession.

but

I like a “good” confession.

it takes the edge off.

opens the heart.

offers forgiveness.

I need all those things every hour.

I keep returning here. here being my simple breath. a breath is such a gift and a promise.

I need to remember this every hour, too.