• Uncategorized

    hello

    I am picking this up again.  I have no noble reason. it just feels right.   I miss this as a creative outlet.   it feels like I’ve sorta fallen off the face of the earth but not really. I’ve just fallen more into my life, the place I belong.   I have had some hard questions to wrestle through. questions that, if I am honest, are still stalking me. along the way to here/to hear.   I burnt probably more bridges than I should… but I needed to get to this space of sovereignty.    over these years,  I’ve missed me but I was under my skin the whole…

  • artjournaling,  creative practice,  writing

    art ramblings and voice

    this evening,  i finally made it to my studio. i am not painting much (or at all) these days. i don’t know why. i find myself mostly drawn to collage, markers and writing. it seems simple and i hope sustainable. so, i culled my working notebooks even more. i feel almost notebook naked working with just a handful of notebooks. I am wondering if it is possible to let of of even more but i don’t want to push it. Ahem, and by let go, i mean put in my supply closet…so there’s that. honestly, i really did not expect my pregnancy to last so long into this month. my…

  • creative practice,  self compassion

    it’s OK

    it’s been an interesting week. lots of waiting. waiting for baby (not here). waiting for deliveries(not even shipped). waiting for news ( i don’t really want to hear) and phone calls ( that are really hard to hear when your phone is on do not distrub :(. ) lol. of course, this is really nothing to complain about but i realize how d**n impatient i am these days. i want things to happen faster than an instant and with very little inconvenience to me. this tends make one (aka me) act like an a**h**e for lack of a better word and that is my struggle…maybe it is a human struggle.…

  • creative practice,  self compassion

    revolution in the heart

    “create whatever causes a revolution in your heart” — elizabeth gilbert on january 7, 2017, i began my artist residency in motherhood. i was not sure what that meant. i just knew that i had to begin. i still don’t know what that means but i just know i want to continue. i didn’t have a huge or really any sustainable creative hobby the last time i had a newborn almost four years ago. i read books on parenting instead and tried to figure out how to be a mother and recover from my birthing experience…that’s a story for another day. that may or may nor have been helpful, in…

  • tinyhappy

    surrender and flow

    today, i was pursing youtube for something or another and came across a video of a woman dancing to “ice ice baby”. the dancing was not profound but the joy and excitement in the woman’s face inspired me to find the song and get my groove on. i found a mix on apple music called party starters and me and the kiddo had a delightful few hours dancing and stomping around. i can’t even remember the last time i just listened and enjoyed music with my body, without agenda. it felt so good. later, i wrote a little poem in the parking lot about letting go…which is the theme of…

  • artjournaling,  creative practice

    notebooks, art and healing

     my friend m. reminded me that i have a lot to process these days. that i don’t have to have it all figured out. can i just say…i am a fan of pre-processing. lol. which does me absolutely no good…my goal these day is to try to stay present. maybe that is why i keep writing about it all.  i don’t want the thoughts to control me ( but i do want to allow them and contemplate on things). it’s part of my processing and i have to access constantly whether i am being healthy (for me) in my healing journey. i really need to stay the course these days.…

  • writing

    what matters

    one thing these past few weeks and months have taught me is that life is most certainty not a formula.it’s most certainly not about who is watching and what they like. it’s not about perfection or 5 steps to whatever…. you can do everything right and still it all falls apart. you can want someone to live and they die. you can want to hold someone you love as they leave this world and instead never hear their voice again. you can want to have a, b and c and maybe you get z. you can have all the material abundance in the world and be lonely. you can be…

  • self compassion,  writing

    rising with mystery

    these past few weeks have been all over the road emotionally, mentally and physically. i’ve not tried to contain or explain them (in great depth) but i have tried to be honest with myself about what is happening. one thing that keeps coming up is my “need” to control all the things and the fact that i have very little control over anything.  we (or rather I) often say, “it’s out of my control” and then we/i do everything possible to control a situation. i’ve been doing that with several situations and most likely for several years and that really doesn’t work. i wish i could say there was a…

  • writing

    let your uncomfortableness feed you

    we want to jump from our (un)comfortableness. we want to wrap up our humanity in a pretty bow and isolate our feeling and the rawness of life from our little air castles. death and grief are as natural as birth and joy. there is a bit of thread connecting it all.   don’t rush to swallow your tears and cleanse the room. let the softness of your toes on the ashes remind you of your ultimate destiny.   let death be as it is. a part of life. don’t placate it with empty words.   let it break your heart. hold your self open to the flood of feelings. they…

  • writing

    open your hands to the water

    if your heart is restless awaiting water maybe all you have you have to do is step in the river and open your hands i don’t really feel as optimistic as this. currently, going through photos…finds fragments ofmy friends, family and myself. seeing and feeling in words and pictures already written. the sting of loss is hard and overreaching. dry and fertile with memories and dreams. we can’t force our way through the water or the grief. we know the water stands. it abides. it waits for us. no matter how long it takes to get there. even if just a toe…one day. not now. now is the time to…

Bitnami