• creative practice,  self compassion

    it’s OK

    it’s been an interesting week. lots of waiting. waiting for baby (not here). waiting for deliveries(not even shipped). waiting for news ( i don’t really want to hear) and phone calls ( that are really hard to hear when your phone is on do not distrub :(. ) lol. of course, this is really nothing to complain about but i realize how d**n impatient i am these days. i want things to happen faster than an instant and with very little inconvenience to me. this tends make one (aka me) act like an a**h**e for lack of a better word and that is my struggle…maybe it is a human struggle.…

  • creative practice,  self compassion

    revolution in the heart

    “create whatever causes a revolution in your heart” — elizabeth gilbert on january 7, 2017, i began my artist residency in motherhood. i was not sure what that meant. i just knew that i had to begin. i still don’t know what that means but i just know i want to continue. i didn’t have a huge or really any sustainable creative hobby the last time i had a newborn almost four years ago. i read books on parenting instead and tried to figure out how to be a mother and recover from my birthing experience…that’s a story for another day. that may or may nor have been helpful, in…

  • artjournaling,  creative practice

    notebooks, art and healing

     my friend m. reminded me that i have a lot to process these days. that i don’t have to have it all figured out. can i just say…i am a fan of pre-processing. lol. which does me absolutely no good…my goal these day is to try to stay present. maybe that is why i keep writing about it all.  i don’t want the thoughts to control me ( but i do want to allow them and contemplate on things). it’s part of my processing and i have to access constantly whether i am being healthy (for me) in my healing journey. i really need to stay the course these days.…

  • writing

    what matters

    one thing these past few weeks and months have taught me is that life is most certainty not a formula.it’s most certainly not about who is watching and what they like. it’s not about perfection or 5 steps to whatever…. you can do everything right and still it all falls apart. you can want someone to live and they die. you can want to hold someone you love as they leave this world and instead never hear their voice again. you can want to have a, b and c and maybe you get z. you can have all the material abundance in the world and be lonely. you can be…

  • self compassion,  writing

    rising with mystery

    these past few weeks have been all over the road emotionally, mentally and physically. i’ve not tried to contain or explain them (in great depth) but i have tried to be honest with myself about what is happening. one thing that keeps coming up is my “need” to control all the things and the fact that i have very little control over anything.  we (or rather I) often say, “it’s out of my control” and then we/i do everything possible to control a situation. i’ve been doing that with several situations and most likely for several years and that really doesn’t work. i wish i could say there was a…

  • self compassion,  writing

    the conversation

    this week I had one of the realist conversations of my life. You don’t need to know the particulars to know that it ended in tears, heart-felt stories shared, apologies and some very loose ends. the conversation, itself, was a major victory. the loose ends can be expected. loose ends should be expected. i know that we live in a world that wants a victory lap after everything. sometimes, all we have is a small wave from our heart. maybe, a tender voice inside, saying…”yes, this is where you are suppose to go. Thank you for showing up”.

  • self compassion,  writing

    wide-open hearts

    yesterday was one of those days, where i completely lost my sh*t for a few moments. oh, it was nothing huge but it was a mix of a pile of frustrations and sheer tiredness (a dangerous cocktail for me). it was one of those moments when i thought all my hard-won progress in a certain area was just evaporating and the situation felt so hopeless. i wanted to blame someone. anyone but me. so naturally, it blamed the people around. for the record, this does not make for a lovely or peaceful situation. not at all. somehow, we rode out of it. maybe it was just taking some space from…