sometimes, i ask my son, in a far too annoyed tone “what do you need?
today he turned around and asked me the same thing?
what do you need?
i mean really, what do i need?
i can have a day full of everything i want and still i am moody and gnawing on invisible bones.
what do you need?
i need space. a pause from my self and responsibilities.
to listen to music and do nothing.
to feel my own breath as my only company for a moment.
to sip silently and expand into myself.
to shake some of my resentment and bad tones from my shoulders.
to hold space for all the confusion and uncertainty that haunts me.
what do you need?
to type in peace.
better boundaries.
to not feel guilty or ungrateful because i crave quietness.
to feel grateful that i can give myself just what i need.
what do you need?
even if it’s temporary and fleeting.
i receive it with an open heart.
like a greedy lover cupping the face of her beloved.
i come to me.
what do you need?
the world can fall apart after my 15 minutes.
it just might.
in that mess or mercy, i must still ask the question…
what do you need?