we want to jump from our (un)comfortableness. we want to wrap up our humanity in a pretty bow and isolate our feeling and the rawness of life from our little air castles. death and grief are as natural as birth and joy. there is a bit of thread connecting it all. don’t rush to… Continue reading
open your hands to the water
if your heart is restless awaiting water maybe all you have you have to do is step in the river and open your hands i don’t really feel as optimistic as this. currently, going through photos…finds fragments ofmy friends, family and myself. seeing and feeling in words and pictures already written. the sting of loss… Continue reading
grandma
last year, my mom called me and told me my grandma died. only she didn’t actually say that or maybe she did. at any rate, last year my grandmother did not die. i was embarrassed and delighted that i had got it wrong. It was sad, nonetheless because my aunt B died instead and this… Continue reading
one book july and other thoughts
i won’t lie. daily. it gets harder and harder to go into the studio or even the kitchen table to make art. i have wanted to be loose and generous with my idea of making. i still do but i have less and less motivation. i realize this is just life–i have a house, chores,… Continue reading
what do you need?
sometimes, i ask my son, in a far too annoyed tone “what do you need? today he turned around and asked me the same thing? what do you need? i mean really, what do i need? i can have a day full of everything i want and still i am moody and gnawing… Continue reading
creativity & slowing down
this june, i signed up for a zillion classes. i thought i needed the creative push. maybe i did but i am thinking if i had to do it again, i would give myself a break. the honest truth is i can’t creatively keep up with the outside world. i don’t want to keep up.… Continue reading
waiting
These day feel slow and fast ticking. Like a collision of breathlessness and endless waiting. Waiting in the distance between spaces of who we will become. Waiting for Who I will become again and who I will be anew. A small pile of weeks to keep me company. A small pile of worries to… Continue reading
the conversation
this week I had one of the realist conversations of my life. You don’t need to know the particulars to know that it ended in tears, heart-felt stories shared, apologies and some very loose ends. the conversation, itself, was a major victory. the loose ends can be expected. loose ends should be expected. i know… Continue reading
the life i already eat/remaking the narrative
“A story is a letter that the author writes to himself, to tell himself things that he would be unable to discover otherwise.” — Carlos Ruiz Zafón I write about gaps a lot but I rarely about jumping into one.there is always a veil that I put between myself and reality as if one were… Continue reading
yes
yes to sunlight. yes to doing art outside. yes to undoing to restore. yes to simplicity and color. yes to reclaiming a writing space inside my life. yes to morning prayers. yes to sitting by the window. yes to vesper shadow. yes to showing up, however large or small. yes to tea and talking. yes… Continue reading