you are not alone


I made this this morning while my fake coffee was settling itself. Yes, it turns out caffeine and my nerves are just mortal enemies. I used a sketchbook( my sons) I found on the kitchen floor and some watercolors (also my sons I found on the deck) However, this is not about me. or art materials. It’s about us.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon a Lucille Clifton book on my kindle. Or maybe it found me.

the sun is a blister overhead.

if i were alive i could not bear it.

the townsfolk sing we shall overcome

while hope bleeds slowly from my mouth

into the dirt that covers us all.

i am done with this dust. i am done.

-Lucille Clifton, “Jasper Texas 1998”, Blessing the Boats: New and Selected 1988-2000

It reminded me that the more things change the more they stay the same.

I am not here to judge anyone’s sadness, rage or reactions. I am here with my own history in this melanted skin keeping me company. I am here with my own sad stories and wild fears.

And I am here proud of who I am and all my ancestors created and survived to get us to this point. I am here with my own memories and joys of growing up around country black folks and what that means to my soul.

There is nothing to justify. People want to live free. Not just in their mind but in their skins. Outside their homes. Inside their homes. Down the street.

Before we knew how evil worked, I think we all thought we could be free here and not there but the lines are so hazy and I am so sick of other people’s souls sickness pouring into all the fabrics of my life…our life…this life.

I don’t have any answers but I am listening to me…to us.