pleasure principle

sometimes, I catch myself being harsh and punishing to myself for the most mundane of things. you know, being human… a wonderfully imperfect and slow mess…glorious things, really. I

am wondering how I can drop that story of the need to fix and punish and instead embrace the mess and nurture what matters–me, the human. I mean, this is the work of a lifetime–loving and approving of oneself. knowing that you are child of G-d/the universe/etc, and that you were awaken this morning and that is a beautiful and amazing thing.

sometimes, I think that self-improvement is a wonderful thing and other times it feels like a hamster wheel. there is always room for improvement and you are okay as you are. can I exist in both these spaces? can I let go of the hustle to be the best me and just be this me…who is the best version I have to offer the world right now. Can my offering of myself be seen (by my own eyes) as generous and good enough? And if so, then how does that change everything?

what is it like to inhabit yourself as a pleasurable thing? not a burdensome thing in need of shaping up? who am I when I incorporate more of the pleasure principle and less of the never enough principle?

I wonder these things.

I want to embody them, too.